All he could hear were the insults being hurled at him by his other third grade classmates.  Fat. Stupid. Wuss. Each may have been a single word, but they felt like a ton of bricks to their target. He tried to ward off the insults as a joke. But inside, the words ripped him apart. P.E. ended and the bell rang. The FitnessGram results were in, and the scales said he was overweight. He felt different. He felt like an outcast. He felt alone.

            He tried to act like someone he wasn’t. He tried to wear a mask. He tried to cover his true self so that others would accept him. Though he tried over and over again to fit in, current junior Nick Wood always found himself on the outside.

            “I didn’t have any basis of identity,” Wood said. “I didn’t know how to be myself.”

            Wood’s tormentors didn’t know about the problems he faced daily in his life outside of school. It probably never crossed their minds. Their bullying only added to the list of difficulties he already faced each and every day. His parents had recently split up. His mom, who suffered from psoriatic arthritis and lupus, would be lucky if she could muster up the strength to get out of the bed at some point in the day. His dad wasn’t around very much. What was left was a void that was only made deeper by Wood’s insecurities and harassment at school.

            “For every kid, dad is superman,” Wood said. “It was just hard not having that role model there every day trying to show you the way.”

            Wood thought things would change in middle school. There would be a new crowd, new teachers, new classes. But what Wood didn’t get were new circumstances. His mom’s illness was getting worse. Often she could not maintain a job because she was bedridden with joint and tissue inflammation that made it merely impossible to move. His father, who he rarely saw, moved to Seattle. What agitated the situation even more is that the kids at school didn’t get it. The bullying continued.

            “You’re in a different environment and you’re still having to deal with the same stuff,” Wood said. “You’re trying to put on a different mask to satisfy everybody. It’s just really exhausting.”

Wood joined the football team in seventh grade to seem more athletic, but he still found himself struggling to find his place. Wood stuck with football throughout middle and high school and will be on varsity next year as a senior. He even met some of his best friends while on the team. But Wood still questioned himself. He was a big guy. His friends were mostly smaller and muscular. Wood wasn’t in a relationship. Almost every one of his closest football companions had girlfriends. Wood came from a broken home. Most of his friends’ families seemed to have it all put together.

            Lying in bed, crying, the hopelessness of the situation boiled over for Wood. The insecurities didn’t stop. His dad seemed out of reach. His mom seemed to be taking a turn for the worse. Unable to make his bedridden mother well, the 6’ 1”, 255-pound offensive lineman felt so incredibly small.

            “On top of already struggling with self-image, it just made me feel helpless to those that I cared about,” Wood said.

            Although he had been raised a Christian, he  began to consider himself an atheist in middle school. Through all the struggles, however, Wood’s sister had constantly encouraged him to attend the Village Church. Despite her efforts, he continued to build barriers and didn’t accept her offer. After all of the pain and insecurity, Wood said he wanted to cling to anything. Eventually this led him to finally accept his sister’s advice during his freshman year, where he would meet 25 year old youth pastor Evan Roy.

            Roy, who struggled with self-image and addiction growing up, would end up being a friend and mentor to Wood as he came to know Christ. After accepting Christ in his life, Wood began to meet up with Roy to be encouraged and discipled. Together they would discuss the roots of his insecurities and work to find joy despite them.

            “Nick wants to find his worth and his value and his self-image often in other things than Jesus Christ,” Roy said. “It always results in a self-identity crisis.”

            Although Wood had begun attending the Village and being mentored by Roy, his problem still did not go away completely. There were still times when Wood felt alone. He would still feel helpless. Many times he texted Roy at night, telling him he thought it would be easier just to end his life. However, Wood was reassured through the Gospel. Roy told Wood that Christ loved him enough to die on the cross for him.

            “He allowed Jesus Christ to work in his heart despite the fact that everything in his home life is terrible, and he was willing to work through it,” Roy said. “He was willing to not give up even though there were many times where he did want to give up.”

            Though his life circumstances didn’t improve, Wood’s faith continued to grow. His mother was still sick. His father still lived over 2,000 miles away. He still wasn’t confident with his body. He still tried to conceal insults and bullying with his sense of humor. Yet, Wood would now keep fighting and recognizing that he had something to live for.

            “I’m glad that I was someone that found God through that situation instead of finding the end of a rope,” Wood said. “Definitely don’t mask that. If you are hurting, let someone know.”

            Today Wood realizes that his identity is found in his faith. He no longer has to wear masks or try to fit in with certain cliques at school. He said that he is forever changed after coming to know Christ.              “Had I not gone through all that, had I not struggled with depression, had I not at some points hated myself, I wouldn’t have found God,” Wood said. “So in that sense I’m really glad for the struggle.”

Even though he hit his rock bottom because of his home life and issues with his self identity, Wood said the experience has made him mature early in life.

“What people don’t realize is that through vulnerability comes growth,”  Wood said.

            Looking back, Wood said he now understands that he doesn’t have to fight alone. Whenever he feels insecure or worthless, he said he remembers the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross for him because it makes everything else seem so small.

           “I just realized on the infinitesimal scale how short life is and how if you stress over little things, every little insecurity, you’re not going to make it out joyous,” Wood said. “Through every struggle, there is hope at the end.”