Spring Break is fast approaching, and many Marcus students are making plans and wishing they were in college. Despite the fact that Spring Break is typically considered one of the most fun holidays of the year, some teens just can’t help but end up with unenjoyable plans. If you find yourself in such a sour situation, The Marquee presents this guide to surviving Spring Break.

Family Frenzy – So you got stuck visiting your boring extended family in the middle of scenic rural Nowhere. First of all, try not to panic. You will survive a few days without a wireless connection. In this kind of situation, there’s a good chance more members of the family will come to visit as well. Maybe they’ll even break out the big guns and have a full-on family reunion. The Marquee recommends that you try to get a flowchart or spreadsheet of familial relations. There’s no way you’re going to recognize that non-descript old woman who remembers when you were “knee-high to a grasshopper,” or the random, distinctly uncomfortable girlfriend the guy you think is your uncle brought with him. If you do end up in a family reunion, just remember: there will probably be some good food there. Someone in your family must know how to cook.

Pity Party- You had plans to throw an awesome party, and as usual, no one showed up. Now you’re stuck with thirty bags of assorted chips, 15 two-liter bottles of soda, several large pizzas, a few party playlists of music you hate anyway and a bunch of other stuff you don’t really need. Obviously, the best course of action would be to return all the food and spend the money on something like tissues to cry into when you think of your lack of friends, but that kind of garbage is for the weak. Instead, feed your inner glutton by participating in a rigorous week of mindless self-indulgence. Over the course of Spring Break, consume every bag of chips, two-liter soda, large pizza and other piece of food you can possibly get your hands on. You can do this while sitting on your couch, watching that TV show you like on Netflix. After all, who hasn’t ever wanted to act like the lazy person they truly are inside?

Weird Weather- You finally made it down to the beach for Spring Break. However, the sky opens up and releases its fury before you can actually do anything fun. It isn’t just light rain either. Someone upstairs turned on the faucet and broke off the handle. The good news is that most beach towns have attractions aside from the actual beach. The bad news is that all of these attractions will
remind you of the beach that you’re currently not relaxing on. Every store you visit will have novelty tropical items that depict tourists smiling on the sand. Every restaurant you dine at will have menu items that evoke images of sand and surf, such as the Big Kahuna Burger. No matter what you do, being at a beach in bad weather is one of the most unenjoyable situations ever. The best you can do is hang back and hope it clears up.

Terrifying Travel- Much like going to the beach, you’re finally getting the chance to travel somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. However, something somewhere will go wrong, as it always does. Maybe your flight got delayed, or even worse, it got delayed on the runway. Now you have to sit in your cramped plane seat for much longer than necessary. In this situation, just try to keep yourself occupied, maybe by singing a song that everyone on the plane can participate in. Perhaps when you finally make it to your destination, you promptly get lost. The Marquee recommends asking the locals for help, unless you’re overseas and the locals hate Americans, which tends to happen quite a bit. In that scenario, just tell them you’re from Canada. Nobody hates Canadians.

Boring Break- You’re at home and have nothing to do. However, there’s nothing stopping you from actually going out to do things. Despite this, you continue to sit in your room and browse the internet, or watch Netflix all day and just generally be unproductive. This is probably the worst situation to find yourself in during Spring Break. Don’t you have any friends? Go see a movie, go bowling, just do something to get out of the house. It doesn’t matter if you just go outside and sit on the lawn. Get some sun, get some fresh air. Just make sure when your teacher asks you what you did for Spring Break, you don’t respond with “nothing.”