Change: a six-letter word I despised.
My whole life, I’ve hated change. The smallest amount of change would send me into a panic. I could never accept it, rather I would whine and complain until normalcy was brought back.
However, three years ago, no amount of complaining could prevent the change I was going to face.
For 12 years, I had only known Florida. I only knew my K-8 charter school, the group of girls in my cul-de-sac, and my youth group at the mosque. I was accustomed to regular hangouts at the community pool, and grabbing lunch from the pizzeria by my school.
And now, in two days I would arrive in Texas. A state that I had never been to, in a town with no friends and no place of belonging.
Sitting up straight on my air mattress, I stared at the wall.
Taking a look around my room felt strange. For as long as I could remember, my room was light pink with princess stickers posted on the walls and hundreds of dolls shoved into a single dollhouse in the corner. But now my room was empty. All that remained was a single box with a toothbrush, and a change of clothes to get me through the day before I left forever.
As I walked down the stairs, I saw my father loading boxes one by one into a U-Haul truck. I saw my life packed away into those cardboard boxes and taken out of the only home I ever knew.
My trance was abruptly interrupted by the sound of my mom. “Someone is here to see you, Sameeha,” she yelled.
As I made my way to the front door, I saw my best friend.
The moment we made eye contact, we both began to cry. I could feel a lump in my throat and my voice trembled as we said our last words to each other. As I looked at her, nerves overwhelmed me. Would I ever find another best friend?
As we pulled out of the driveway, my head hung low as I couldn’t bear to watch home disappear out of sight.
Leaning my head against the car window, my mind raced as I tried to grasp the idea that I’d officially left Florida for good. As the countless hours went by, questions filled my mind: Will my old friends forget about me? Will I make new friends? What will people think of me?
I spent the whole summer, dreading school. The thought of going to a new school, and meeting new people overwhelmed me. My body would shake and my vision would blur as nerves destroyed me.
About two months later, I began my first school year in Texas. For the first couple of weeks, my fear of change held me back from going to events and making new friends.
I felt that accepting my new life would officially confirm that my Florida days were over. Making new friends would remind me that my old friends were gone. Rather than embracing change, I found comfort in ignoring it.
I spent my days alone. I sat in the back of the classroom with earbuds in my ear and music blasted at full volume to silence reality. I kept to myself and observed everyone’s friend group. A part of my heart wanted a friend, but the other half was still afraid.
Eventually, I was invited to my first hangout. A girl I met in my science class had invited me to join her and her friends at the mall. Although my heart beamed at the invite, I was hesitant at first.
Fortunately, my mom forced me to go with them.
I dreaded every moment leading up to it. Getting out of bed that morning was a struggle. All I wanted to do was lie down and scroll through my phone endlessly.
Despite all my fears, I couldn’t be happier that my mom forced me to hang out with them. In those few hours at the mall, I felt a relief I hadn’t felt in forever. I finally felt like I belonged.
Looking back, I regret allowing my fear to hold me back. . From now on, I plan to welcome change with open arms. Although change doesn’t always mean new happy beginnings, it also doesn’t mean complete disaster. Change is inevitable and accepting it is what allowed me to grow as a person.
