The smell of Marlboro cigarettes and baby powder was imprinted on the house, acting as my granny’s signature. Sitting in the kitchen where she taught me how to bake cookies, the memory never fails to make me smile. Her rocking chair and hummingbird feeders were still outside on the front porch swaying with the wind. Her cabinets still packed with the endless supply of popcorn, coke and butterfingers. Every time I stayed over we had a tradition of watching Family Feud, and we shared a bag of popcorn paired with a coke. This house was somewhere I felt most at home, yet there was a lack of the warmth it usually possessed.

She wasn’t there.

Without her, the house I loved was nothing but a reminder of the pain my family was trying to block out.

I was forced to watch the life leave my granny within a year. All I could do was sit back and witness cancer rip her away. My mom and I lived with my grandparents over the summer because we knew they needed support. After all my grandparents had done for my mom and I, it was time we returned the favor. We stayed over the summer at their house, but as she got worse we bought her to Flower Mound to be closer to the rest of the family. Taking her to treatment centers and watching them stick needles into her dull skin was one of the hardest parts. Even though the process was mentally draining for everyone, we stuck through it in a freezing and lifeless room with other patients, because the love for our granny—our hummingbird—was endless.

I was on my way home from school, walking the back route because it was faster. But if I could turn back time, I would have taken the longest way to postpone the horrible news that awaited 13-year-old me.

“Sky… something happened… we leave for the funeral tomorrow.”

Cold wind imprisoned all of us that December afternoon. It was the day of her funeral and we traveled to our small town in west Texas so we could bury her. The ceremony was filled with beautiful flowers she would have loved. A nice woman sang some songs in memory, and we all sat moving with the music.

Afterward, I stood beside my mom and listened to our family go around and share stories of her. How she once bought $200 worth of paper towels because there was a sale, and how much her eyes would light when she saw a hummingbird approach her window. One by one everyone shared a sentimental memory of her. Tears filled our eyes as we shared this moment of grief, Even though this was a serious moment and I was surrounded by depression all that come out of my mouth was “She was a heck of a woman to shop with.” Laughter quickly filled my ears and the remorseful mood lifted for a moment.  

***

Losing someone to an unstoppable illness felt unbearable, and if my family wasn’t there to support each other, we wouldn’t have made it to where we are today.

Cancer is tragic and devastating. Some days the loss we suffered is intolerable, but my family helps each other through it. Mary Kay Middleton was one of the best people I had known, and will forever hold a special place in my heart. The hummingbird carved onto her gravestone perfectly represented my granny as the beautiful person she was. It was placed alongside an engraving of the words she taught us to live by.

“It’s all about family.”