You could say I have a bit of road rage. I’m a little neurotic. Possibly hypocritical. But it’s not completely my fault. I am the product of two over-angry sisters and a father who is “that guy” on the road. A daily dose of yelling on a short excursion or five hour road trip was commonplace. This was how I learned to drive. Throughout my illustrious two and a half year driving life, I’ve developed a set of guidelines that I would like other drivers to follow.
1) The speed is 40, not 36. If you don’t want me to ride your tail and honk my horn, observe local speed limits, if not faster. We ALL have places to go.
2) Use caution towards cars. The speed limit and other traffic laws are there for a reason, bikers. If you want me to share the road, go my speed. Attach a little motor to the back of your bicycle, and don’t delay me. Don’t misunderstand me, I want you to get some exercise. I’d just rather you do so at the gym. Same effect, just less annoying to the rest of us.
3) Get on my level or veer right. Unless your left turn is quickly approaching, do not drive slowly in the left lane. Ever heard of using the left lane as the passing lane? Some drivers leave for a destination with minimal time to spare, not expecting any obstacles. Left-lane slowpokes, get out.
4) If you can’t read my license plate, you’re too close. If I am observing correct speed limits, do not indicate so by riding my back bumper too closely. I will employ the notorious brake check. Hope you’re paying attention!
5) Blinkers were made for a reason. Don’t be afraid to use your blinkers when turning. As much as I love to slam on my brakes, utilizing the easily forgettable blinker tools is simple.
6) Don’t stalk me, bro. If I have a momentary lapse in driving etiquette, please don’t take your time to track me down in the lanes of the road or grocery store. If I wasted your time by letting someone go out of turn, don’t further waste your precious moments by yelling at me. Ultimately, you are embarassing yourself, not proving a point.
7) Horns aren’t toys. If I’m honking my horn at you, it doesn’t mean I want to take you on a date. Take it personally and improve your flawed ways. Pretend it’s a slightly louder version of my voice saying “The first time you skipped the green light was funny, the fifth not so much!” However, don’t just use this useful tool on a whim. Like the boy who cried wolf, the more it is used, the less effective it becomes.
8)To the girl who stood in the middle of the road taking a Facebook pic with your mom, you’re embarrassing yourself. This one goes out to all the pedestrians who think that just because we won’t hit you, you can walk as slowly as you please. Nobody likes it when you stand in the middle of the road, not even your grandmother. Respect the pedestrian traffic laws so that cars and pedestrians can live in perfect harmony. So thank you, silly girl, for causing a minor traffic jam in the Palio’s parking lot.
9) Those bold enough to turn in front of me should be bold enough to keep a safe distance away from my car. Hypothetically, let’s say you decide to risk your life and make a turn onto a road that I am traveling on. If this does occur, make sure to get up to the speed limit before I get up to you. Slowing down is not only a waste of my gas, but also my life.
10) Respect is a two-way street. It’s quite simple, really. If the police don’t want you driving like that, neither do I.
Observe all of the rules of the road and you and I will get along just fine.
By-law: All drivers are bound to violate one of the
above driving suggestions, even me. Pray to the driving gods for forgiveness, and all is forgotten. Unless, of course, you make these horrible violations habitual.
