I just wanted friends. I just wanted someone to like me. I just wanted someone to talk to. But when people want something badly enough, they sometimes end up doing some regrettable things. At least, I did.

It was freshman year. I didn’t really have a lot of friends to hang out with, so I usually spent my time on the computer at home. I played games, did homework and created a Myspace account. It was fun at first. Everyone at school added me. But they weren’t my friends. They usually spent their time asking me about school—nothing important. I realized that I was just as lonely online as off.

There was a feature on Myspace that I decided to try out—Browse People. By typing in different characteristics, I could find people to add and talk to. Being the person who really couldn’t afford to be picky, I checked all the options and added just about everyone. After months of searching, I found a guy. He was 18. He was 6’ 2″, single and loved anime. Finally someone here is someone that seems to be my speed.

He called himself Neko Itachi, but his real name was Luis. We talked every chance we got. He commented on every picture I posted of myself, calling me adorable and cute. He played games online with me and we shared secrets through messages. He was the person I had been searching for. He lived all the way in California, but I felt as if he was with me all the time. Everything was fine at first, but I guess first impressions can be deceiving.

We had been friends for a month and a half, enough time for me to notice some changes in our friendship. He would message me, “Why aren’t you talking to me?” whenever I was busy. He sent messages like that every afternoon, and when we did talk, he got angry. “Do something besides waste my time.” I wanted to get offline, but I knew that would make the situation worse, so I would stay up all night on Myspace until he fell asleep. I tried to tell him that I had a real life outside Myspace, but he didn’t care. Right before I signed off, he would message me: “You better be on tomorrow.”

I would cry with every word I would type. I felt so trapped by someone I couldn’t even see. Luis used to be so nice until a wave of difference washed over our friendship. He had changed in the worst way possible. I would post a picture of myself and he would tell me how ugly I was. “Do you have any real friends, I wouldn’t think so looking like that.” His insults increased and my self-confidence vanished. I cried myself to sleep and a little more when I woke up, knowing he was waiting.

The first day of sophomore year, I deleted that account. I was done with Luis. I was done with tears. I was done with the control. I can’t remember what stopped me after a year of mental torture. I guess I just couldn’t take it anymore. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have relied on the Internet for friendship, especially when dealing with strangers who couldn’t care less about my well being. I don’t need them. Some people aren’t worth crying over – especially strangers.